Farm Journal

gentle living in a complex world

ready to return to the ways of old..

This last year has a period for reclaiming myself. The past year I walked away from everything of old and explored the world outside. For the past few weeks I have been thinking about my household, my role, and how I would like to live my life. Although there are parts of my old life that were difficult and that I do not want to return to, I want to return to many of my old ways: canning, cookstove, cheese and yogurt making, bread…. I do not want to return to carrying 60-70 gallons of water a day (although I may have to — for the goats and pigs).

The period was, in many ways, good for me. You see, for a time I didn’t know what  I was doing or why I was doing it. Was living an AMish lifestyle truly my choice, or was it deemed to be the way we lived? Was it because I wanted to live simply or because my (now ex spouse) was afraid of a post-apocalyptic life? In many ways I don’t know which life it was then, but I do know that I miss many aspect of that life now.

It started with the cookstove. Recently, my ex told me that the people he has living in the old house (renters) are using the wood cookstove. I broke into tears. That stove was the heart of the home. I loved that stove. I loved heating and cooking and dancing with the wood and flame. I missed the slow food and the slow life. I missed all of it (not him). That is when I realized that part of that life was me. It was meant for me. I was meant for it. That eagerness to live differently: slowly, simply, and intentionally was at the core of my person. It is what I love about baking (sidenote: I baked professionally for about 5 months). Baking is part science and part art. So is living as we did when we were “going Amish.”

I spoke to my partner today and we agreed to work toward living that way again. I am done with the “recovery” year of my life and ready to move on to live intentionally — the way we want to live, rather than how we feel that we need to live. C is on the lookout for a cookstove.



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5 Responses to “ready to return to the ways of old..”

  1. Risa Bear says:

    A right rhythm for you — there’s something about a certain way of doing this “slow” food thing — I would guess, what it is, you want to do HONEST food. No layers of middleclowns telling you what to eat, how to prepare it. A Rioter. Is that it?

  2. emme says:

    Risa, I am certainly a Rioter. :) I do want honest food. I also want an honest life — one without commercialization and manipulation. I think it took me the last 2 years to realize that what I was doing before was honest my honest life.

  3. marti says:

    When are we going to make soap? You’ve got the time now!

  4. emme says:

    True! I was just thinking about that. I also want to get your laundry soap recipe. We are not working a bijillion hours a week now — I think we can!

  5. Gina says:

    Wow, I can honestly say I feel the same way about my past year. A year of stopping the stress and just letting go. In some ways it felt good to give it up: the failures, the loss, and the stressful marriage; in other ways, I think about my garden and raising chicks, my “simple life” and wish to go back (altho, I also will never miss chasing loose pigs and carrying buckets of water in zero degree weather). When I fled back to the city, I also quit reading all my favorite homesteading blogs (and ended my blog of 7 years). Somehow, after a year of just floating, I ended up wandering back. Seems, I have a lot to catch up!

    It’s funny how ‘stepping outside” allows us to see ourselves again and pick out what felt “right’ vs. “wrong”. Good luck to you and I can’t wait to hear about your next adventures. ~Gina

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